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Who's Who
The Beauty Queen
VITAL STATISTICS
Born in September 1953 in Amish country, Wayne County, Ohio. Married
high school sweetie, Loren, the cool guy with the Corvette who wore
white bell-bottoms and looked so cute from behind! Mother of Brad,
Kevin and Kelley (with an e - tee hee). Mother-in-law of Heather.
Nana of babies Aubrey Ann & Emileigh Loren.
DULL, ORDINARY PART OF MY LIFE
Everything other than being a broad. Although being a grandmother
compensates for a lot.
CRAZY, FUNKY PART OF MY LIFE
Being an Average White Broad. It is, by far, the greatest
stress-buster. It is a fun place in a hard world. It is laughing so
hard for hours on Thursday nights while people think I am
practicing. Every day I sing makes the rest of the day go by fast.
It means swallowing bugs at outdoor gigs, drinking blackberry brandy
to soothe my sore vocal cords and since I am considered the diva of
the group (their words, not mine), they make me do most of the
solos.
ONE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
I was accepted into stewardess school the same day my boyfriend
proposed to me. I chose marriage. That was 33 years ago and I've
just about almost never regretted the decision. I am an orange belt
in karate, but please don't attack me because I probably don't
remember any of it. |
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The Cheerleader
VITAL STATISTICS
Born in June 1954 in an energetic Swiss community called Kidron,
Ohio - population 500. Married high school sweetie, Lee. Mother of Melanie and
David. Mother-in-law of Brian. Gee (soft g) to Brock and
Colin.
DULL, ORDINARY PART OF MY LIFE
There are no dull parts of my life, although some are
not quite as exciting as when I make the transformation to "broad".
CRAZY, FUNKY PART OF MY LIFE
Being an Average White Broad. I quit my job to be a full-time broad.
They say I am the spitfire & fuss-budget of the group. I have an
abundance of nervous energy which results in goofy comments on
stage. I am also the realist of the group. I would love to live in
Robyn's fantasy world, but reality keeps pulling me back. Am highly
organized ad nauseam (a little OCD. . . perhaps). I look forward to
each and every gig as an opportunity to giggle with my two best
friends, sing killer harmonies, then laugh the whole way home about
funny stuff that happened, i.e. bugs flying in our mouths, people
who have had a little too much to drink, the mysterious man who gave
me a bouquet of roses and then walked away, the woman who was
singing and clapping so hard to Your Mama Don't Dance that she fell
off her chair, etc.
ONE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
I absolutely adore handbags. Be
forewarned - if you carry a killer handbag to one of our gigs and I
think I could take you. . . well, let's just leave it at that.
(Calm down, I'm just kidding . . . or am I?) |
The Free Spirit
VITAL STATISTICS
Born in July 1954 in the rolling hills of Wayne County, Ohio.
Married to perfect Patrick, the teacher and now notable chainsaw
woodcarver. Step-mother of Leila. Mother to BooBoo, the blind dog.
DULL, ORDINARY PART OF MY LIFE
Wife, and by day, a middle school English teacher and grant writer.
Have a habit of correcting everyone's grammar and spelling, which
people find quite irritating.
CRAZY, FUNKY PART OF MY LIFE
Am an Average White Broad, which entails entertaining, giggling, the
spotlight, great harmony and making the audience clap. They say I am
the creative one of the group. I write the lyrics and music to all
our original songs and I am the one who persuaded the other two to
become Broads, much to their doubt and dismay in the beginning. They
also say I am the unrealistic one of the group because I know we'll
reach big famous stardom someday.
ONE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
I think life in general is very amusing and I'm much smarter than I
let on. I speak fluent English. Smart people frighten others so I
pretend I'm not intelligent. I've fooled many people. No, really, my
favorite class in college was Transformational Generative Syntax. |
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